Spiritual Awakening (My Visual Angel Experience)

When I was about 9 months sober, my mother had surgery for lung cancer. The cancer was a quarter size tumor in her lung. Most people who have lung cancer don't find it in time to do surgery. Earlier that Fall, my mother had a very serious case of West Nile virus. It affected her brain and she was in the hospital, and skilled care for a couple months after. During her West Nile virus hospitalization, she had a routine chest x-ray. On the x-ray they saw the tumor in her lung. (In case you are not familiar with West Nile virus, it is a virus that is transmitted by mosquitoes.) The day that my mother had surgery, I felt like I had a conscious contact with God like I had never had before. The surgeon told us that he got all of the tumor, and that she wouldn't need chemo or radiation. Later that day, I sat on my mother's bed and said to her,"even mosquitoes have their place in God's world." The next morning I was up at 5:30 am to send my significant other off to work. I decided to change my ileostomy appliance because it is "quiet" in the early morning. I had finished that, and was on my way back to bed. I was about to shut the light off, and I saw a mosquito by the light switch. The date was November 22nd. I tried to grab the mosquito, but missed it, and couldn't find it. I said to God, "yeah, I know you are there." I got in bed and layed down. I saw a figure across the room. It was so distinct that it sat me up in bed. It was a tall figure with a long white robe on, and no face. It lasted for a split second, and then it was gone. I had never seen anything like that in my life, nor have I since. Yes, I do think it was God, or someone acting on His behalf. Someday I am sure I will find out. May Angels be with you always, Jacy

God Was There All the Time

This weekend I experienced a new frontier in Fellowship. The Area Meeting. A God-created Miracle of One Person Helping Another. Sharing experience, strength, hope, laughs, meals, ice cream, God-guided decisions and proposals. Recovery in Action.....the best kind.....SERVICE! There are all kinds of service. From cleaning ash trays to giving rides to helping load luggage to making sure that one person gets to eat and get their medicine. Delegate, Alternate Delgate, District Committee Members, General Service Representatives, and a whole bunch of patience, humor, cooling-off periods, courtesy, willingness to listen and to wait-plus a sense of fairness and trust in a "Power greater than ourselves" and in each other. It Works If You Work It, Jacy

Angels Among Us? You Better Believe It!

Since I told you my story a few days ago, I can tell you about my Angel experience the other day. I was very tired and sleeping very deeply at 6 in the morning on Friday morning. My ileostomy bag was full of air, and other "stuff" also. Usually when this happens, and I am sleeping good, I have an accident in bed. In a very deep sleep, I heard a voice say "Jacy!" I actually made an audible sound with my voice, and said "uhhh....." and then I woke up. I do believe that a guardian Angel, MY guardian Angel woke me up so that I didn't have an accident in bed with my ileostomy. That is my audio Angel experience. Keep coming back, and I will tell you about my visual Angel experience. May Angels be with you too, Jacy

My Story

I just heard someone say the other day, "Everyone has a story!" Here is mine. I became sick with ulcerative colitis (UC) when I was 18 years old. I started nursing school in Fall of 1980. The stress of nursing school does not help UC. In the early Spring of 1982, I was having 7-8 bowel movements a day, that were close to being pure blood. I remember one time making a mess in my pants at the hospital, and had to go home. (That was before the ostomy!) By Fall of 1982, I was sickly thin, and had to have blood transfusions for blood loss from the UC. In November of 1982, my UC turned into toxic megacolon, a life threatening condition. My ileostomy surgery was an emergency type. I didn't have alot of time to prepare ahead of time. I was so sick, that they only made my ileostomy, and had to wait until later to take out the rest of my large bowel. I was in ICU for a week after the first surgery which was 2 days before Thanksgiving, I had a pinhole gastric (stomach) ulcer that perforated. That started another 3 or 4 months of almost continuous hospitalizations. I had numerous pockets of infection in my abdominal cavity. In the midst of all of that, I developed a swollen lymph node on the left side of my neck that turned out to be Hodgkin's disease. They took my spleen out to "stage" my Hodgkin's. I had radiation therapy on my neck for about 6 weeks. After finally getting back to nursing school, and what I was re-learning to believe was a "normal" life (with an ileostomy), the Hodgkin's disease recurred in my lungs. I then had yet another operation on my left lung, and put off nursing school for another 6 months. I started a year long trek of chemotherapy; the second 6 months facing the fact that I may lose all of my hair, temporarily, at age 22. The thought of that was worse than my ileostomy. I made it through the chemo, didn't lose my hair enough to wear the wig I had bought, and now I am a Registered Nurse. When I say to my patients, "been-there, done-that", I do honestly mean it. Since I recovered from that physical trauma in my life, I got married. The man I married had no idea how emotionally sick that I was from that physical trauma in my life, and neither did I. The marriage lasted 14 years. I think I was just too afraid to try it on my own before that, and ended up drinking to escape all the "stuff" in my life that made me unhappy. I ended up becoming a member of a 12 step program, and getting a divorce. I have since met a man who gives me that emotional support that I so desparately needed in that marriage. He doesn't let me get away with the "games" I got so used to playing. Thus, those games were games that sick people played. I am on my way to emotional recovery. God is responsible for all of it. Believing God is not always easy, but Faith is resting in God's love, His presence, and His provision. Peace, Faith, and Love to all, Jacy

Going Through

"In every case, pain had been the price into a new way of life." Bill W. When we are in pain, be it physical, mental, or spiritual, we don't see what is really happening at the time. If we are lucky, we will make it "through"without too many bruises and bumps. But every bruise and bump that we experience is just one more notch in the belt of life. When the devil is doing his best to defeat me, that actually means that I am on the right track. How ironic that sounds, but when you put it in common sense terms, it makes total sense. The better job that I do to help my self change for the better, the more the devil hates it, so he comes against me with anything he can get his hands on. If you have a strong foundation in the Lord, then you can with stand anything that the devil throws your way. My structure used to be very fragile, like a beach house that is torn away by a hurricane. After a few times having a hurricane blow the house down, I get smart and bulid my foundation stronger. The next time a hurricane comes, my house stands firm, because my foundation ( my relationship with God and Jesus Christ) is strong enough to withstand what ever the devil hits me with. Some times we go "through" for a long time. Our first instinct is to be sour and bitter the whole time we are going "through" a tough time. If we can still enjoy our life while we are going "through" the tough time, then we are defeating satan. What we have at the end of going "through" is a valuable life experience. That becomes one of God's greatest gifts to us. God has then taken something that the devil dished out to us, and turned it around for the good. God does that constantly. He may not do it in the time we want Him to, but when it is all over and done with, God prevails. Thanks for reading this and letting me share with you. Peace, Jacy

A Special Poem

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressure and a couple by habit.This year 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen? Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments of propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger."Armstrong, Beth; son, patron saint, Matthew." "Forest, Marjorie; daughter, patron saint, Cecelia." "Rutledge, Carrie; twins, patron saint...give her Gerard, he's used to profanity."Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles; "Give her a handicapped child."The angel is curious, "Why this one God? She's so happy." "Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel.""But has she patience?" asked the angel. "I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it.""I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy.""But Lord, I don't even think she believes in you." God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness." The angel gasps, "Selfishness???? Is that a virtue?" God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a "spoken word." She will never consider a "step" ordinary. When her child says, "Mama" for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and will know it. When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.""I will permit her to see clearly the things I see .....ignorance, cruelty, prejudice....and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be by her side every minute of every day of her life because she is here by my side.""And what about her patron saint?" asked the angel, his pen poised in the air....God smiles."A MIRROR WILL SUFFICE."If you know someone with a special needs child, please share this with them. It will mean so much.

Evidence of God

Well, as I sit here at the computer, it is snowing outside, and I am curious as to if there is a Snow Angel, who God assigns to just do snow. You know every single flake out there is different. There is only One powerful enough to do that. Just like there is only One powerful enough to create us as individual as each snowflake. The snow will pass, just like life will pass. That means that today, if I am going through a bad time, it will pass, along with the rest of my life. God doesn't give me more than I can handle, but He wants me to believe that. I have to believe in Him. Today, Joyce Meyer said, "In God's economy, you Believe first, and see later." I have to believe that God has His best interest for me. Then I will see the evidence of that after I believe in Him. Peace in the Winter Solstice,( in realty and in life) Jacy

Women of Faith, Part Two

The second woman who has touched my faith walk is Beth Moore. Beth Moore was introduced to me this last Fall when a friend invited me to a Bible study. As I sat and listened to her talk, I wondered how she got so much energy. Her energy came from the Lord God. The name of the Bible study was "Believing God". We started the Bible study with a 5 point pledge of Faith. 1. God is who He says He is. 2. God can do what He says He can do. 3. I am who God says that I am. 4. I can do all things through Christ. 5. God's word is alive and active in me. One of the segments of the program when Beth was speaking, she was trying to show us how we "wear" our shame and guilt. She had several jackets with letters on the back of them, and asked some women to come up on stage to put them on and turn around. I don't remember all of them. (I wish I would have written them down.) One of the letters was "D"- Divorced; another was "TP" - Terrible Parent; another was "DUI" - Driving Under Influence; "R"- Reproach-she took this one, and cut the letter right out of it. But before she did that, she had the women turn the jackets around so that the letters were on the inside, but none the less, still there-on the inside of us. This whole thing had such an effect on me. Thus, Beth Moore is one of the women on my faith walk who made a difference in my Faith and my sobriety.

Women of Faith, Part One

There are some women who have been very influential in my faith walk. The first one is Joyce Meyer of Joyce Meyer Ministries. www.joycemeyer.org/ I used to say, "I wouldn't be caught dead working the Day Shift." Then I got sober, and someone suggested that I come to the Day Shift, and I said yeah, that is what I need to do; that is a change I need to make. So, the first day that I got up early to go to work, I turned on the TV at 5:30 in the morning, and said to my self, "what am I going to watch at 5:30 in the morning?" I started flipping through the channels, and stopped on a woman who was talking about God. I began to listen to her. She had stuff to say that was about me, and how I was, and had been. She pointed to God's word, and then talked about Enjoying Everyday Life, and I loved it, and needed it, and I still do. Her ministry has become my church in every way. Don't get me wrong, I still get plenty of face to face fellowship at my 12 step group. Her and I did many of the same things before we started believing God for our lives, instead of believing ourselves. Thank you, Joyce, for making my life better, and more spiritual. Today, God is with me in almost everything that I do. Thus, I do have work to do, because He needs to be with me in everything that I do, not almost everything. Stay tuned for the next Woman of Faith on my list. You never know, it may just be you! Peace for the New Year, and God Bless everyone who reads this, Jacy

The 2 Way Door

I have a friend who says "when I know me, I know you". He heard that a long time ago from a friend of his. So, what does one do to know one's self? For starters, it helps if we remember who we talked to and what we said to them. I have learned in this life that you can only do that if you aren't under the influence of a mind altering chemical, or in my case a liquid. One must also start by not shutting the door on the past, but not holding it wide open either. For some of us, that is not an easy task. Some of us have people in our lives who insist on putting the doorstop in the door, and holding it wide open, and letting all of the 2 way traffic go back and forth through it. My Mother made me a picture that says " When God closes a door, He always opens a window." Thus, God gives us a way out, ALWAYS! Today, God goes through that door with me, especially when I have to go backwards through it. I hang on tight to God then, so that I don't get stuck behind that door, and have to go through all that stuff again. One of these days, I will give you the "going through" speech. You may not need it, but I am sure that I will need to give it. Peace be with you, Jacy